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Mozilla fans reacted angrily to a review of Mozilla that spent half a page complaining it didn't load as fast as Internet Explorer 3, then another five and a half pages explaining why OO methods are so bad and how Edward Yourdon should be punished by only allowing him to use Object COBOL for the rest of his life.
Microsoft confirms: We Hate Our Customers
Microsoft today announced the reason for Clippy, Windows 95, cancelling Xenix, and the original MSN. They hate their customers, and want them to die. Slowly. In pain.
Sun invests in quantum processors
Sun Microsystems has invested $117.3 million in technology start-up Flanspeter, who make quantum processors. Suggestions that these processors are needed to make Java run at a reasonable speed were denied by Sun.
Report claims Windows XP more reliable than UNIX
A report today said that Windows XP was good. It's OK, nobody believed it, but expect all those MS-loving weirdos to quote it at you for the next six months. At least we can amuse ourselves with the Netcraft and Attrition stats.
Steve Gibson to DOS Microsoft
Steve Gibson, who hasn't got over being 0wn3d by a 13-year old, will launch a DOS attack on Microsoft using hacked XP boxes to prove to them that raw sockets really are dangerous after all. He was quoted as saying:
"All your boxen
are belong to us!"
Corel finds somebody who wants upgrade WordPerfect 5.1
WordPerfect 5 users are famous for not upgrading, claiming that Windows versions of their precious software are vastly inferior. Corel thought they had a breakthrough when they heard about somebody upgrading, but they decided on StarOffice instead.
<BLINK> tag was ironic, claims Netscape
Netscape today announced that they always knew the <BLINK> tag sucked, and they only added it to make people's webpages look stupid. "If you see blinking text, you know the site was made by an idiot, and you don't have to waste your time with it" said a spokesman.
Secret MS-Intel Pact Revealed
A secret pact between Intel and Microsoft has been revealed today. Microsoft makes bloated operating systems, and Intel sells you the latest processor so you can actually run the thing.
Big Fat Study Shows Need For Product
Nevered Ovem Industries today announced the results of it's highly amusing survey - revealing that 89.6% of businesses have a certain problem, which their product coincidentally fixes. Find out which problem and how much in the full article.
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